I meant to but I lost my phone. I lost your number. My battery was dead.
I meant to but I was busy. I was out of town. I had no credit. No battery. I had to stay late after work. There’s no reception in my apartment.
I meant to but I had an unexpected visitor. I had to go see my mum. My uncle’s sick. My grandmother’s dying. My sister just got a new job. I meant to but I had an emergency at home. I got called away. My beeper went off.
It’s not you it’s me – I’m not ready for a serious relationship.
Honestly you don’t want me, I’m crap.
You were kind of a rebound thing. I’m leaving town in a month anyway.
Listen I’m really sorry, I’m gay. I’m not a relationship kinda guy.
Christ.
It’s because you can’t dance, alright ?
You’ve got a lisp. You’ve got acne. Your left nipple is, like, three times as big as your right one.
I don’t like your fashion sense. You smell funny. You’ve got that strange kind of mutated ear thing going on. You bullshit on about crap when you’re drunk. You get jealous when I am out with my friends.
My mates wouldn’t like you. You listen to Celine Dion. You’ve got a crap job. You’ve got a flabby stomach. You’ve got big hams, big flanks. You flare your nostrils.
I can’t make you come. Your hands are bigger than mine.
You shave off your eyebrows and then draw them back on with black pen.
You don’t shave your eyebrows.
You get all gooey whenever you see kids, and then everyone realises that I am holding you back from your dream of wanting kids, and they think I’m a fuckhead.
You have an annoying accent. You watch breakfast TV. Your teeth aren’t white enough.
You chew your nails. You steal the covers. You snort when you laugh.
Is that what you wanna hear ?